One day I asked God to release me…But first, this.

There is grace for staying where we are uncomfortable. Comfort isn’t on God’s agenda. He grows us through discomfort, so we should expect quite a lot of it…considering we have a lot of growing to do.

Discomfort could come in the form of tight schedules, difficult people, scarce finances, health pains and heavy loads. Everything that causes life to be…well, life. For long periods of time.

But there is always grace available. It comes as His discipline shapes us, His love sustains us, and His hope strengthens us.

Even still, one day, we may get to the point that we can’t take the season of discomfort anymore. We need to be done.

Maybe God lifts the grace strategically so we can glimpse where we are, and become desperate enough to cry out for change.  

My life had come to this place. I had been through some hard things.  Very hard things for a very long time. Kidney failure, cancer, depression. Those are just the names on the file drawers. The details are still locked away for later.

Then life went back to normal as if it had never happened. That just upset me to no end. Normal was killing me. Where were the dreams and callings of my heart? Where, for that matter, was my heartbeat? My emotions were dull and my dreams, dim.

I needed breakthrough. I had to live above this foggy plateau. I needed a gust of wind to blast through my life and prove to me that I was still among the living.

So, my husband sent me away to a cabin on the McKenzie River for a few days to write. I needed to be alone with God, not really to write but to scream. (Don’t worry, so far He hasn’t struck me with lightning)

The drive was a few hours long, but for some reason it was not long enough to find my words. I was still searching for them when I  unlocked the cabin and carried my bag into the quiet bedroom. I sat on the quilted bed for a moment in silence. Still nothing. Wandering through the kitchen, I put away my groceries and went into the living room. Nothing. My heart was full of agony but my words would not form.

I opened the sliding door and stepped into the screen porch that led to the forest. The cold mountain air stung my face as I made my way through the trees, following the sound of rushing water to the where the river met the bank.  The scent was vibrant. The mist, refreshing. There, among ferns in every shade of green, under moss covered branches in every texture, I found my cathedral. The ache gushed from a crack in my heart. My words found their voice.

I lost all time and inhibition. I cried to Him that I was sick of being sick. Sick of being tired. Sick of failing myself. Sick of the lid on my life. I was trapped in my circumstances and I needed Him to know I couldn’t take it anymore. Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I had a hole in my boot and water was getting in.

And this became the day I asked God to release me, even though I didn’t see how He could.

“God! There is more in me. There is more for me. There is more!! Release me. Please.” And I prayed the same for my husband. Over and over again.

While all this was going on, in a small pool of water, a leaf was floating in circles. It was completely trapped by rocks, twigs and other leaves that formed a kind of dam, keeping it from moving downstream. The whole time I was crying I kept my eye on it, sympathizing with it’s plight and keeping God informed of the problem.

“God, there is so much in the way! This little leaf needs a miracle to find an open path into the current! Then there will be no stopping it! Please, God!” Exhausted from shouting my best ideas and sloshing about, I stopped to listen.

“Just ask for rain.” He said.

What? I sat down on a slippery rock and didn’t even care that my jeans got wet. Rain. He said one word to my hours of crying. God, He’s brilliant.

“Ask for rain, and the water will rise.” He said. “You will be released.”

So I did.

When I left there, the grace to face my discomfort continued, and at the same time, my heart had endless resources of hope because of one word from Him. I could pray a prayer I knew He would answer. A prayer that partnered with His strategy of release.

The rain that came flooded our lives and lifted us above all that contained us. It was His provision, His anointing, His opportunities, His resource, His divine power, His direction. It was all HIM. It was unexpected and it was more than enough. Within a year we transitioned into a new place of growth and service in His kingdom…and His grace remains for the discomfort of this place. Haha!

Yes, one day I asked God to release me…

He didn’t send a crowbar, a backhoe or a wrecking ball. Nothing of man, nothing of self. He had a strategy for me and He has one for you. A simple God-idea we couldn’t anticipate. He is amazing and brilliant beyond words.

Haha! Rain! Who would have imagined? Hope you don’t mind getting wet!